Worst Bike Ride Ever!!!

I should have just stayed in bed. But no, I had to drive down to Granbury and ride my bikie.

It was clear from the beginning that today was going to be a bad day. Alex escaped from the backyard (one day I am going to fix that fucking fence) and did not return. So I had to head down to Granbury with her wandering around the hood.

When I got there I turned on my Garmin Edge 305 to start it\’s process of finding the GPS satellites, but it didn\’t turn on. I had it charging all night and sometimes it \”overcharges\” and won\’t come on. So, I\’ll be biking blind.

The morning was beautiful, with a little bit of wind. And I got the sense that Hood county may be as \”red\” a place politically as we can have. The rally did not start until there was 1) a prayer 2) the pledge and then 3) the anthem as sung by a barbershop quartet. This place is so \”red\” I anticipated that the Supreme Court would be called in to fix the outcome of the race. Thank you,
I\’ll be here all week. But seriously I need to cut back on my Keith Olberman consumption.

The ride was going well for about the first 10 miles. It was very hilly and we appeared to be going up hill and into the wind for much of the time. And then my second setback — a flat.

So I cursed the Gods, changed out my back tube and got back to riding just in time to hit the first rest stop. I hadn\’t drunk much water yet, didn\’t need to (yeah, I know, don\’t wait until you\’re thirsty), so I just got a cookie and rode on. At got to the second rest stop, and they were out of water and so was I. I hung around a while waiting for water. But I gave up and just filled my bottles with some ice.

The ride turned onto a busy highway (US67 I think) and I stayed on the shoulder. Ahead of me was a gravel road intersection. I tried to avoid it, but cars were zooming by at 70MPH. I hit the gravel and several yards later my back tire was flat again.

I was out of tubes, but I had patches. I applied two patches and the fucker still wasn\’t fixed. I figured I was at about the 30-35 mile mark of the ride — right about half way. This was confirmed when a gentleman on a motorcycle – who was working for the ride — came by and asked if I needed help. I requested a tube and was told a rider with tubes was about a mile behind us and should be here shortly. We waited for 45 minutes and the motorcyclist finally went to see what had become of the other rider. He came back with a tube and said the guy had fallen off his bike and sprained his ankle.

I fixed my bike and resumed my ride.

Luckily the ride back was mostly downhill and with the wind. Although I was a bit tired, dehydrated and starting to cramp a little, I figured I could make it. Although I was the next to last rider.

If you don\’t believe it was hilly, check it out, Chalk Mountain. I hear there\’s great skiing here in the winter.

Although the chalet looks a bit abandoned.

So I\’m starting to feel good about myself. Although I have no idea where I am or how far I have left, I think I can finish this 64 mile ride.

As I\’m heading up one of the few hills I have to go up on my way back, my quads are starting to cramp on the downstrokes (BTW, that was the name of my grunge band in the mid 90s). I had not anticipated the heat (it was one of the hottest days we\’ve had up to this point) or still being on the course this late in the day.

So I took it gently when a car with \”ride officials\” came along side of me to ask me how I was. I was startled (I was concentrating on keeping an even stroke just to get up the hill) and rode off the road. Jumping off my bike, my quads completely locked up. I spewed a torrent of \”Fucks\” and \”Shits\” which I felt bad about later what with the prayer at the begining of the ride and all.

So, at around the 50 mile mark, I gave up. I took the sag-wagon back to the start — tired, dejected with a light patina of glistening salt.

I promised the driver of the sag wagon I would do better next year. And I will. I\’ll bring 2 tubes.

Many firsts on this ride.

• First time I ever had a flat on a rally ride
• First time I ever had 2 flats on a rally ride
• First time I ever had to take the sag wagon

Next ride: North Texas Classic in Ft. Worth