First Half
| Pregame | I\’m unsure as how to promote this game. Is it Japan taking revenger for Hiroshima or is it the USA taking revenge for Godzilla vs Mothra? | |
| Pregame | Just a reminder. Say no to racism. It\’s just not cool according to my soccer goddesses. | |
| Pregame | Oh, and play fair. Unless it\’s faking a foul or kicking your opponent in the tits when the ref isn\’t looking. | |
| 0\” | USA! | |
| 0\” | Wow. Moving Cheney up already pays off with a scoring chance leading to a corner. | |
| 7\” | I\’m quickly realizing that my lack of soccer knowledge is leaving me with not much to say. When I can, I make up for that with snark. | |
| 8\” | Beautiful pass from Rapinoe to Cheney. And, as with most soccer plays, it ends in no score at all. | |
| 10\” | Passing the ball back and forth, Japan seems content with taking a nil nil tie into the half with 35 minutes left. | |
| 11\” | Ugh. Cheney to Rapinoe also results in a wide shot. | |
| 15\” | Happy Birthday Chancellor Merkin. | |
| 17\” | Our shots are getting closer to the goal. At least we hit a post. | |
| 24\” | Corner kick by Cheney. Nothing. | |
| 28\” | WHAT!?? Another post hit. How many posts equals a goal? USA up 10-2 on shots. Can we skip the PKs and just win on penetrations. | |
| 30\” | Yikes! Good save by Solo | |
| 34\” | Another missed opportunity with the Cheney header. | |
| 36\” | A good thing about soccer. No awful Dr Pepper commercials with Fergie. | |
| 37\” | A bad thing about soccer. No awesome Southwest Airlines commercials. | |
| 40\” | Is this the happiest referee of any sport ever? | |
| 45\” | nil to nil. Isn\’t this how soccer is supposed to go? |
Second Half
| 45\” | My personal favorite player, Alex Morgan, is now in for the injured Cheney. | |
| 48\” | JFC!!!! Another fucking post, this time by Morgan. | |
| 54\” | Is that a hot pink sports bra under Alex\’s jersey? | |
| 60\” | I was pretty sure I was \”ice-cream headached\” out with the Mavs playoff run. Apparently not. | |
| 63\” | Offsides call goes for USA. Finally the offsides rule works in my favor. | |
| 63\” | Great save by that Korean boy in goal. | |
| 68\” | GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!! U S A!!! A breakaway goal by Morgan from Ropinoe. 1-nil USA | |
| 70\” | Shouldn\’t Alex have \”Brandie Chastained\” for us after that goal? I mean really! | |
| 79\” | Just a reminder to please be sure to visit Amazon from the links provided to buy your commerative World Cup memorobilia. | |
| 80\” | Goal. Japan. What the fuck just happened there? 1-1 | |
| 83\” | Ian Darke on Carly Lloyds long run and subsequent missed shot \”Disappointing in the end really\” Which translates from classy Englisth to American English as \”That sucked!\” | |
| 90\” + 2 | 1-1. Oh, joy. Extra time. |
Extra Time
| 90\” | Oh, boy. Here we go. Another 30+ minutes of tummyache and clenched anoose. | |
| 91\” | Wambach with the header, nice save and holding on to ball. Abbey was there for any rebound. | |
| 95\” | Another nice ball to Mornan. But she couldn\’t finish this time. | |
| 96\” | Miama with a yellow card. Which seems kinda racialist to me. | |
| 100\” | One hundred minutes. Make it end. Please, sweet, clean little 8lb 5oz little baby jebus. No PKs. | |
| 103\” | GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! U S A!!! Wambach with the header from Morgan with a pass almost as beautiful as herself. 2-1 USA! | |
| 105\” | End of the first Extra Time period. 2-1 USA | |
| 106\” | Ewe Es Eh! Ewe Es Eh! | |
| 108\” | JFC!!! Learn to clear the ball out of the box!!! | |
| 111\” | JFC!!! Learn to clear the ball out of the box!!! | |
| 113\” | Heath for Rapinoe. The USA side just got a little hotter. | |
| 114\” | Hey, Heath, keep the ball. Two possessions and two turnovers. | |
| 114\” | Great save by Rampone. | |
| 115\” | Solo injured. Oh dear. Just looks like cramping. | |
| 116\” | Goal Japan. Sawa on a corner kick. 2-2 | |
| 120\” | Japan player (I swear they never said or showed a graphic. Thanks ESPN) with a red card denying Morgan a scoring oppurtuity | |
| 120\” + 2 | Game Over 2-2 . On to the hated PKs | |
| US1 | Boxx saved by goalkeeper. 0-0 | |
| Japan 1 | Miama scored. 1-0 Japan | |
| US2 | Lloyd whiffs over the net. 1-0 Japan | |
| Japan 2 | Nagasato saved by Solo. 1-0 Japan | |
| US 3 | Heath saved again by the goalkeeper. 1-0 Japan. Oh dear. | |
| Japan 3 | Sakanugi scored. 2-0 Japan. This isn\’t looking good. | |
| US 4 | Wambach scored 2-1 Japan. | |
| Japan 4 | For the win. Kumigai scores. Japan wins on PKs | |
Well that sucked. Congrats to Japan, but I don’t remember US getting to win anything after Katrina.
Please stay tuned for my live blogging of Texas at Seattle.
After 5, the Rangers lead 3-0.